Archive for July, 2008
Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Mid-Wife Crisis: It’s the economy, stupid.
I was married by 24 and had my first child at 25. By the standard of my parents’ generation, 24 was normal–my father married at that age–but by my generation’s standard (especially within my Northern California subculture), it was peculiar to get married so young. My firstborn child is eight years older than those of [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Careful Caring: We can’t always care, so why feel guilty when called uncaring?
“Don’t say I don’t care. I do care.”
Like many words, care means different kinds of things. It has its descriptive meaning–its denotation: Caring is a certain kind of behavior. But it also has its prescriptive meaning–its connotation: Caring is good. You should care. Being uncaring is bad.
Combining denotation and connotation [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Sorrytaliatory Cycle: “I owe you an apology or a scolding, I can’t tell which.”
“Excuse me, my unfocused words. I was flying blind. If you can find it in your heart . . . if you’ve got one. . .”
“Shame,” by Randy Newman from the album “Bad Love”
Decision theory recognizes that any yes/no question entails the prospect of being right or wrong, and that means [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Exploratory Commitment: The try/buy dichotomy
Last week I discussed the relationship between the questions “How can I succeed?” and “Can I succeed?” The two questions form a loop.
In one direction, ambition inspires you to ask, “Can I succeed?” To answer that question, you ask, “Well, how can I succeed?” Then you explore particular plans to do so. If you find [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Love’s lost labors: It’s the context, stupid
Last song in a series of three, here’s one whose target audience is not the middle-aged but rather the young and restless. It was inspired by an argument I couldn’t get started with someone who only wanted to talk about how the media was to blame for youth culture’s slide into promiscuity. I agreed with [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Butterfly Punch
Think back to a time when you fought really hard for something. Back then, how sure were you that you were right? How sure are you now that you were?If you’re like me, you pick your battles, and sometimes you pick wrong. You also intuitively track how often you changed your mind later about your [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
Floating For-ness: Under a firm mantle of function, molten motives churn.
You’re in love, or so you think. You certainly feel in love, but now that you’ve been run through the mill a few times, you wonder what the feeling really means.
You love being loved. But think about it, why does this person love you? What’s the motivation? When someone says, “I love you,” what does [...]
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Saturday, July 12th, 2008
What is ambigamy?
Being of two minds about sex, love and romance:
Deeply romantic; deeply skeptical
Receptive reluctant
You love others so you give of yourself; you love yourself and withhold from others.
At times sex is deeply meaningful–significant of profound love and compatibility; at other times it seems as innocuous as dancing.
Are you an ambigamist? Here are some ways to tell:
[...]
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Friday, July 11th, 2008
Ambigamy: Dignity for the eager but slow to commit.
There is such stigma around “players” and people who “fear intimacy” that it borders on a sexual prejudice. Ambigamists are intelligent responsible people who are quite understandably and appropriately of two minds about sex, love and romance.
Are you an ambigamist? Here are some ways to tell:
You prefer your own company to incompatible company
You [...]